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Moving Back In with Your Parents

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Moving Back In with Your Parents

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Stay at Home Parents

Moving Back In with Your Parents | Soultenders

Moving back in with your parents can feel confusing. One day you’re living on your own and the next day you’re back under the roof of the people who shaped you.

It can definitely be a positive step to move back home. Perhaps you’re there to save money, buy time to find another roommate, or leaving an abusive relationship. Some parents will provide the financial and emotional stability that is needed. Other parents are not equipped to provide both and do what they can.

Whatever the circumstances are, no matter the age that you are, moving back in with your parents will feel different. You have launched into different areas of your life and learned things about yourself that inform your identity. Your parents may not be able to understand that part of you and some will definitely aim to pick back up where things left off, aka, before you moved out and started building your own life.

This can be hard. Not only are you navigating your identity within your family of origin, you are also wading through the aftermath of the decisions that led you to be back in your childhood home. Parental fights, your sibling’s development, intergenerational dynamics are possibly more prevalent in your life again. Family culture, religion, politics, dress, food are some of the things that can cause stress or conflict. We can experience conflict verbally with others as well as internally if we are not able to be our authentic selves.

Living with your parents will put you up close and personal to their dynamics. Maybe it’s financial stress, health concerns, or worry about another child. Maybe it’s the things that prompted you to move out initially, or things that you avoided trying to get involved in before. Living at home, you can get caught up in being a sounding board, a mediator, even a problem solver for your parents. You may feel indebted to help because your parents are helping you. With good intentions, you can find yourself putting your steps to rebuilding on hold while you try to meet the needs of your family. It’s not wrong either way. But it can be emotionally difficult to shift from independence to being enmeshed in your family.

Reflecting and rebuilding. It can be difficult to do that when we are adjusting to family dynamics and dealing with our internal dialogue. Feeling like a failure is common. How do we handle setbacks? Do we have healthy coping tools and a support system to carry us through? We might. We also might default to avoidance, abuse substances, or emotional eating to numb our anxiety and depression. A therapist can help support you in strengthening your support system and in finding healthy coping skills. Even in a home full of people, we can find ourselves alone in some ways. Therapy can be a dedicated space to check-in with where you are and where you want to be. 

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Lauren Pena
LMFT
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